Recommended Tracks: “Push It Down”, “Nightmare”, “Something Better”
Artists You May Like: Julien Baker, Clairo, Claud
“Sunday morning, rise again / Waking from a week-long dead end / Sing it loud and scream it out – this is what it’s all about, isn’t it?” These are the opening lines on Taylor Janzen’s debut album, I Live In Patterns. While it is over in 30 seconds, we are given all we need to know about the album through these lines. With layered vocals and pensive guitar, Taylor tells us about repetition (rise again), letting go (sing it loud, scream it out), and her fear that there may not be more to life for her out there (this is what it’s all about). Throughout I Live In Patterns, we listen as Taylor tries to get in touch with herself, revealing the emotional struggles and hidden patterns that are attached to such a journey.
Each track deals with mental health in its own way, but Taylor really gets into the complexity of the battles she fights on songs like “Nightmare,” “Hotline,” and the title track. Loud, rhythmic, and unapologetically percussive, “Nightmare” sounds as chaotic as the demons Taylor tries to tame. With such a rowdy production, we sense how difficult it is for her to feel fine, even when she tells us, “You say it’s alright, like you could know.” We also learn that she combines her identity with her battles, as put in the line, “It’s a nightmare, I’m a nightmare.” The vibe mellows out on the folksy, acoustic guitar-driven “Hotline,” but it continues to expose Taylor’s troubling thoughts and feelings. With a quiet intensity, she sings, “I hate myself and I call it humility,” prompting her to get away. This comes through on the line, “I would do anything, believe me,” which almost sounds like, “I would do anything to leave me.” When we hear the title track, Taylor expands on the notion of being stuck and wanting to get out of it, giving us a poignant indie ballad. Over the soft thuds in the background that are reminiscent of a ticking clock, she expresses, “I burned a hole inside my sadness / Now it’s starting to swell and my God, I’ve had it / Don’t you know I live in patterns and I am trapped inside my habits?”
As hard as she tries to remedy her feelings on her own, there are times when Taylor turns to outside sources for support. She seeks approval from her friends on “Designated Driver,” convinced that failure is tied into the moment her friends stop believing in her. The upbeat indie pop feel of the track tries to mask some of the fear she holds, but the music can only do so much, as evidenced on “Fingers Crossed.” Taylor makes references to religion on this track, especially when she points out, “I learned how to lie by standing before God” and “Something holy caused me pain.” She indicates a need for a higher power here and also on “It’s Alright.” After posing, “Pastor, can you tell me what it feels like to be so sure of yourself?” Taylor accepts that she needs to let go of this need for assistance. She assumes, “Maybe I won’t be so lost without you / Maybe just this feeling is enough” and pledges, “I’ll try to love the process.”
Because even though Taylor gives into the dark at times, she continues to move toward the light. With “Push It Down,” she is in search of a solution, doing whatever she can to feel better. The cheerful melodies offset these lyrics, making it one of the few tracks on the album that does not mirror the severity of the lyrics in its overall sound. Most of the tracks, instead, showcase a softness and a toughness to Taylor, with “Something Better” being a prime example. The music on this track has its serene moments before filling out, Taylor’s vocals changing from gentle to dramatic as she gets into the ways her childhood has affected her adult life. She yearns for a better, safer space, and “Patience” gives her the permission to do so. On this piano-driven track, Taylor sings, “So I’ll hold my arms over my head / And I’ll tell myself it’s for the best / That I deserve my own patience,” allowing herself to bask in the light.
In the end, I Live In Patterns is like a combination of therapy sessions, diary entries, and climaxes of dramatic movies. Taylor unpacks the repetitive nature of her self-deprecating tendencies, sets it to thoughtful and engaging music, and finds a way to live with her feelings instead of suppressing them. She does this throughout the album, often referring to emotions that she has already expressed and actions that she has already shown. It is all about the pattern of putting yourself down and building yourself up, which is a pattern that we all go through at some point. For those going through similar situations and need some closure and empathy, I Live In Patterns is your album. For those looking for a party, you need to bring that energy elsewhere – we are here to cry, heal, and repeat.
You can listen to I Live In Patterns on platforms like Spotify, Apple Music, and SoundCloud.
Keep up with Taylor Janzen: Instagram // Twitter // Facebook // TikTok // YouTube // Website
